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Last Updated: Jan 19, 2007 - 12:43:17 AM |
The atmosphere is right! You are continuing on the same path. You hear the alerts! You ignore them. You get the warning signals. You briefly consider whether you should prepare; then you think, No, this couldn't happen to ME!
Then suddenly separation/divorce rips through your life like a tornado, crushing and destroying everything in your life. You feel like a bottomless pit has opened up beneath you and there is no hope. There is not one facet of your life that is left untouched.
Where do you turn?
When this happened in my life, I went running to my pastor. He prayed with me and assured me that he would talk with my husband and get this all straightened out.
I counted on his wise counsel and believed it would all work out. Divorce was not in the realm of possibility; after all, I was a Christian and Christians don?t get divorced. (Yeah, right!)
Two days later he called me and said, "Well, your husband has committed adultery and you can't live with him anymore, so you might as well get a divorce. You will be free to remarry!"
My pastor must have felt like his job was finished (or maybe I was contagious!) because he never had time to talk with me again. I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest, yet no one would talk with me or even listen to my fears.
Consequently, I spent the next 20 years of my life trying to find that husband I was to "remarry," trying to prove to myself and the world that I had some worth. I worked endless hours to provide for my children and me and failed miserably in my Christian walk. My life was a total disaster.
My children were suffering, but I was in no condition to even think about how this was affecting them. Thank God they had a wonderful youth pastor who raised them for me during that horrible time.
Not one person ever said to me, "Jesus is your source of healing. He is your sufficiency. You are worth something to Him." Why didn't someone point me to Jeremiah 29:11: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Or to Psalm 147:3: "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds?"
Instead, people kept telling me "Get on with your life. There is someone out there for you." God allowed me to wander around in this desert and make all kinds of mistakes.
But God is so faithful; He was with me through all those terrible times, protecting me and my children and drawing me back to Him. He would not waste all this trash in my life; He would eventually use it for His glory.
I began to feel compelled to start studying my Bible, and I found 2 Corinthians 12:9: "My grace is sufficient for you." So what I began to realize was that all I have is God, and God must be enough.
Then He led me to 2 Corinthians 1:3?4: "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."
From there I knew what God had for me to do. There was no doubt in my mind that I had to minister to those who were suffering from separation and divorce as I had suffered. There was no reason for people to go through all those years wandering in the desert as I had done. There had to be a better way!
Well, that's my story from 1972, and things have changed a lot since then.
Yes, they have changed! Every minute in America, two marriages fail, and 2,100 children a day hear, "We're separating."
In the triangle area of North Carolina, where I live, for every ten who get married, nearly six file for divorce. According to the News and Observer, Wake County recorded 2,644 divorces and annulments last year. The failure rate was roughly equivalent to 58 couples splitting for every 100 marriages in 2003.
Twenty-seven thousand children in Wake County alone live in single parent homes.
As you may know, born again Christians are just as likely to get divorced as are non-born again adults. "Among married born again Christians," concludes the Barna Research Group, www.barna.org, "35% have experienced a divorce. That figure is identical to the outcome among married adults who are not born again: 35%."
So what do you do? How do you minister to these individuals in your community?
Pastors certainly don't have the time to counsel all those hurting people. And the majority of them can?t understand this kind of pain. Most churches don't have the financial resources to hire professional counselors. So how can you make a difference in your church and community to people suffering from separation and divorce?
When I was searching for ministry tools back in 1994, I found a "Brand New Resource" called DivorceCare. As soon as I started watching the very first video, I knew this was what God was leading me to do. It was a resource that I, a lay leader, could use to help people heal from the trauma of separation and divorce. I didn't need to be a counselor, teacher or minister. I just needed Christ and a passion for helping those who were suffering as I had suffered.
DivorceCare, www.divorcecare.org, is a 13-week series that addresses all the feelings and emotions people experience when going through separation or divorce, and it equips them with tools to understand and work through these feelings. Every session gently points people to Jesus for healing.
We call DivorceCare the emergency room where people can come early on to get the help they need in a safe atmosphere. It is the trauma center for people whose lives have been ripped apart by the divorce tornado.
There are over 30 Christian counselors and ministers who speak on the videos addressing topics such as Anger, Depression, Loneliness, How Divorce Affects the Children, What the Bible Says About Divorce, Forgiveness, Reconciliation and a new session on Single Sexuality.
Also on the videos are real people who have gone through divorce and are expressing their feelings and emotions; there is always someone on the videos that the participants in the group can relate to.
DivorceCare comes with a Leader?s Guide and a Leader Equipping video, which will guide the lay person through the proper steps to set up and lead a group.
In the Leader?s Guide we give you steps to select leaders, proper training techniques and discussion questions for each session. There are leader guidelines, publicity and budget planning guides and many other helps for you as you begin your ministry.
A pastor or counselor is not needed to lead the group as all the teaching is done on the videos. What you need is a strong Christian whom God has called to minister to those who are hurting from separation and divorce. This will most likely be someone who has gone through divorce him or herself and has healed through Jesus Christ.
Everything is approached from a biblical perspective, is Christ-centered, and gently leads to a closer walk with God. When someone comes to a group like this, he or she is hurting, scared and has no idea what to expect from the group, so you have to gently lead each person to Jesus for healing. As the weeks go on, the group bonds and becomes like a family. They will encourage each other and form friendships that will last a lifetime. Most either go back to their own church or get involved in your church.
I have been leading DivorceCare groups since 1995, and I have seen God work many miracles in the groups. I have seen marriages restored when the person who came began to receive God's healing. I?ve seen people accept Jesus, and without a doubt, if they come and do the hard work, they will grow closer to the Lord.
The material is nondenominational, and I have had many different denominations, as well as non-believers, attend my groups. I have even had Jewish people come. Some will leave when I start talking about Jesus, but I have had several stay and get a lot of healing from the videos and interaction with the other participants. This is a great outreach program to the community.
If your church is not ministering to the separated and divorced in your community, let me urge you to pray about how you can begin to reach out to this group of people who feel like they have been abandoned by everyone, especially the church. I had one pastor say to me that he didn't want divorced people in his church because they were too high maintenance! I?m afraid too many of our churches are still shooting their wounded.
Divorce is here; it probably won't go away. The best thing we, as children of God, can do is help the people going through divorce put their lives back together and become productive "single agains" for the Kingdom of God.
God truly will restore the years the locusts have eaten. My life is a testimony to that.
You can make a difference.
Questions?
Copyright MMV by the author and/or Church Initiative. All rights reserved.
1. "Born Again Christians Just As Likely to Divorce As Are Non-Christians," The Barna Update
September 8, 2004. http://www.barna.org/FlexPage.aspx?Page=BarnaUpdate&BarnaUpdateID=170. Used by permission.
Article Source: http://www.articlesfor.us
DivorceCare divorce recovery support groups are found in thousands of churches worldwide. Visit www.divorcecare.org to search our database for a list groups meeting near you. For further details about attending or starting a group, call us at 1-800-489-7778 or email info@divorcecare.org.
© Copyright 2007 by Nextin, Inc. All rights reserved.
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